August 28, 2009
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Happily Ever After?
My husband and I clearly have different needs, and I unfortunately become quite selfish when mine are not met. If only my week in France hadn’t opened my eyes to so many new thoughts and feelings, leaving me wanting more from this life. Perhaps I am too demanding, have ceased to understand the realities of the world, but the current pace of things is gravely insufficient.
Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship, but how does one proceed when it is no longer possible to interpret the language of the other?
Je veux me sentir vivante et légère.
Comments (9)
the end of the fairy tale, is the beginning of real life.
Catholics lock thmselves (or, of course, should) into a firm insistence that Love is Forever.
So they do not admit the possibility of divorce if some rock sinks the ship – get in the life raft !!
the thing is humans are so imperfect (all of them out there, and even me) – spouses especially.
when we discover the very grave flaws of the other (presuming we even know our own ! aha, that is even more important to know. the unexamined life is hardly worth living…)…when we discover the very grave faults of our beloved, we are tempted to sttop loving them because we don’t know how to love them, or they won’t let us touch their terrible wound, their sin, their defect.
But that’s the whole point of the Jesus ! He touched the leper. He went all the way to the end, in the belief that Love is All Powerful, Eternal, and the Ultimate Truth.
When the other person feels us touch their flaws, forgive them, and love them IN SPITE OF their flaws, which doesn’t mean to accept those flaws, then they can FEEL love. Then …maybe…but not necessarily…they can decide to reciprocate…IF THEY ARE ABLE !! If they are not able, then they will at least know that they were loved. It is better to Love than to be loved because NOT TO LOVE is the greatest poverty.
It is the essence of tragedy to Love and NOT be loved in return. But the Christian tragedy of the loss of human love is overcome – in the next life, and maybe in this one too – that when humans do not love us in return, when we do not feel their love, God still loves us. And will RESURRECT us to ETERNAL LIFE that will make this misery and incomplet existence here in the temporal world be seen for what it is – the battle for the Victory of Love.
think of the Jewish Holocaust…what utter tragedy, but it transformed into Israel’s existence !
that is an example… the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, but grows into a new very different looking plant, full of grains of wheat ! that’s another example.
the butterfly was a worm ! that’s another example.
Modern media does very poorly dealing with the tragic, understanding it, seeing its essence – the eternal that lives hidden in the paltry.
You have such a powerful mind, and such a strong heart, Euphorie, but your faith…ah… your faith…it is not Catholic in its core is it? You must Eat the flesh of Jesus, and drink His Blood, to have LIFE in you, the LIFE that can live the dream in the midst of this nightmare called modern life.
I just finished reading Freud’s “Psychopathology of Everyday Life” where he reveals what slips of the tongue, things forgotten, accidental errors, incidental actions really are trying to communicate. The subconscious is communicating what the conscious cannot. Verbal communication is so incomplete.
you might like to read at least the last half of that book. It might help get a fresh vantage point on what your husband is trying to communicate to you.
But communication stops when the communication has been successful. When the other person GETS THE MESSAGE there is no further use to try to convey it.
It becomes the job of the person who finds that the other person is not longer communnicating to figure out what to do next. Apparently, the message has been communicated. They are waiting to see how you deal with it. but if you don’t know what has already been communicated, how cn you deal with it?
that’s why i suggest that book by Freud, or at least the last half of it. The subconscious of the other person is probably still trying to communicate data to you that THEY ARE NOT EVEN AWRE OF !!
But once we have gotten the message, (finally), then we have to figure out what to do next. then revert to my previous previous post to read what i think comes next….
meanwhile, chocolate helps !
You’ve got to work through it Tiff, marriage is the real deal.
I really like the music on your play list by the way, some excellent selections.
I think marriage and relationships needs to be worked upon; nothing ever comes easy.
(Big smile) – Interpretting the language of our spouse isn’t the problem, so much as learning to turn a deaf ear to our own needs, wants and desires so that we can listen fully and completely to theirs. It is an ongoing struggle, because it places us in a very unnatural position, having to not be selfish. I feel your pain, sister, and hope you’ll enjoy the ride. There are some amazing things to learn about yourself and life along the way.
Je retrouve par hazard ce site ” Euphorie ” . je croyais qu il avait disparue .
j ‘ ai admiré la photo ci – dessous .
Amitié
Michel
I hope and pray that both of you are vey happy together.
Hello Mrs. Tiffany,
You made your site simple yet elegant. The music player and videos are a nice touch. I see that you got married recently. Congratulations! I am reminded of an appropriate scripture: 37 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; 39 and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. (Matthew 24:37-39)